refuge

It all began two years ago with a Box 'o World Religion Lectures. It was not a spiritual journey, it was academic. I couldn't deny that a lot of it sounded nuts to me. Friends, it still sounds pretty nuts to me. But it wasn't the celestial Buddhas that made this feel right for me. It was the simple teachings of suffering, attachment, nothing, and compassion that fit inside my heart. The story of the Buddha's middle path.

Today I made my vow to follow the Buddhist path. I don't know how I will be doing this. After all I have learned, I still don't know what I've gotten myself into.

Was it magic? No. Do I feel like I changed when Lama Chuck snapped his fingers? No. I'm the same old Nova. I'm the Nova that is worried that her baby isn't really asleep for the night. I'm the Nova with the broken down practice. While I was sitting on my cushion I looked around and I thought "I bet these people have shrines, I bet these people don't conduct their practice on their bathroom floor". Mothers, isn't the bathroom the only safe place sometimes? Brian knows I can't hear the baby in there, it's like going to the other world. It's a place of privacy. But still, I practice on my bathroom floor!

But I practice with a beginner's heart. My mind is an open pot. So, there's that.

I took the vow because it isn't a question of "am I going to follow the path or not", because I already have been. I don't know what kind of mother I would be without the dharma. I don't need to know, because it's always been there for me. A place of shelter, a place of protection. A place of Refuge. So, I took the vow today, but I had already taken refuge. No need for cold feet.