baby steps

Not Ramona (although she does spend every waking moment trying to walk, I wish we could make her wear a crash helmet). No,I mean me.

This morning, during my shower, I decided to finish writing my research paper.

It suddenly felt like something I could be brave enough to do. I have some serious guilt for abandoning it. I feel like I let my professor down. I know, stupid, it's my life. If she thinks I'm a loser, whatever. This feeling of guilt has actually made it harder to pick this thing back up.

So, baby steps, first I had to return to the scene of the crime: My university e-mail. I had to find the e-mail that contained the edits from my last draft and save it to my computer. I know, big damn deal, huh? It was. It had me scared silly. What if my account is expired? What if my professor has been sending me "Nova, what the hell is your problem?" e-mails? What if she really hated my paper last time she read it?

Well, I did it. Paper saved. The only way I was able to do it was by promising myself that I wouldn't read any new e-mails. After that, I re-read my paper and I read what she thought of it. It isn't good, folks.

Now, I will begin editing my work, one horrible page at a time. I haven't decided when to bring my professor in on the fact that I'm actually working on it again. I don't want her to get her hopes up or anything.....