future illness

I have a sickness that I've recently come down with called Look-Forward-To-The-Distant-Future-itis.

I'm excited about Ramona being one. I can't wait to see her take some steps...outside. I CRAVE playing outside.

I am looking forward to not dragging a huge car seat around. Infant car seats are insane.

I have been constantly thinking about how neat it will be to not have her on the boob all the time. I have been craving the freedom that will come with weening. No more pumping! But also, I'm sad and I'm actually doubtful that she and I are going to be able to make this transition.

I am looking forward to baseball season with a zeal that can not really be expressed. The Royals were a lifeline for me during my maternity leave. They gave me something to follow that had nothing to do with myself and a daily event to cheer me when times were hard.

But, here it is, it's January. It's still a long way out.

What I have is a gift, and it's happening now. When she is five and fifteen and forty I'm going to think about her smallness and her newness and it's going to make me hurt from nostalgia.