I began work on my graduate school research paper again. The road began with apologizing to nearly everyone at my University. Apology is the beginning I think.
I have begun for real. I, Lucy, promise to not pull the football out from under your feet this time, Charlie Brown. I am both Charlie and Lucy, of course.
Today I was loading the washing machine and I nearly panicked. How can I be this person? How can I do all the things that will make me good? How?
Then, as clear as a bell, this bit of worry was labeled for what it is. Thinking. And breathe. And count. And load the laundry. When I write the paper, I will write the paper. Then I will go do something else.
Today I started reading the edits and comments my professor had made. For the first time. And it hurt. She started out positive, but as the paper wore on, I could hear her weariness. I have a lot of work to do. But, I'm going to do it. And put it away. And then go do something else.