Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Guilt - It's What's For Dinner

"Of all the Charley Browns in the world, you are the Charley Browniest."- Linus

Well, that's me! I'm so the Charley Browniest.

Today, despite the sad baby eyes and the annoyed fellow co-worker husband eyes, I broke out of the house so I could take a yoga class.

I'm doing yoga so I can be more comfortable sitting still and not moving for longer periods of time. I'm learning to breathe.

I loved the moving and the stretching and the breathing. Everything was great except I felt guilty the whole time about how I really should have been home cooking lasagna for my family. At one point the instructor said "Ask your body how you are feeling" and as clear as a bell I heard, "I feel guilty for not cooking the lasagna".

I can't get ANYTHING right. I don't cook the lasagna. I go to yoga instead and engage in discursive thought the entire time! When we got to the end where you lay around (seriously, I know it is called something in Sanskrit, but to me it is like sleeping) all I could think was "I need to stop laying around and get home and cook the lasagna!"

So....I guess it was a good start?

I was once told that a student should have a beginner's heart. I love this concept. I want my heart and mind to be open, I don't want to be afraid to ask, I want to not worry about being stupid, and I most certainly don't want to be under the false impression that I know anything. So, anyway, I will try again. My beginner's heart will brave the sad baby eyes and the annoyed co-worker husband eyes. I will find a way to make dinner before hand, so I can do the whole lying on the floor thing with a clear head.

Oh enlightenment, you elusive football, you.

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