the snow is always whiter...

Well, in fact, the party was not over. I went back to work for one day, and then the snow and Arctic cold rolled in. So, I got a bonus week with Ramona. Yay, right? Yeah, sort of.

I turned to Brian last night and said, "It feels like I've been taking care of this baby non-stop for three weeks". He replied, "That's because you have".

Last week I was really sad to be going back to work. I had a lot of fun over break. My house was pretty clean, I cooked a good dinner almost every night, and I was with Ramona constantly. I was sad because I didn't realize how much happens in a day with her and how much I had been missing. When I'm at school it all goes really fast. The day zooms by. I rush home, pump milk,feed baby, eat frozen pizza,play with Ramona and then it's bed time. It's all so fast. It's also easy to get into a really good rhythm and be pretty darn pleased with how well your family's life is going.

Oh friends, baby time is S-l-o-w. Her day is spent pulling up, grabbing toy, try to walk, fall....repeat.....repeat....repeat....repeat. And on the days when she is agreeable to taking a great nap in the afternoon, I feel like this is the greatest job on earth. But try to take my two baby free hours in the afternoon from me and I become a character from a story about a horrible, mean mom.

And the WORRY. I actually told Brian a few days ago that I'm really nervous that she has no interest in learning to clap, and that we are going to be "working" on that. Oh my god, I do not have time for this kind of crap when I'm working my full time job. I am just happy to see her clean and happy. I don't stress over the minutia. I'm just pleased to be with her.

I can't decide what this means. Is my child raising herself? Have I been stupid to be so content? Now that I have spent three weeks (and I really need to add that the weeks have essentially been snow bound) actually caring for my child, I am filled with worry. She isn't learning to self soothe at night. She is a horrible nap taker. She doesn't clap! I don't tell her No! I am a god awful mother.

While I'm working on sorting this stuff out for myself, I am also trying to get my mom on the phone, because I think her grandgirl would really like to spend some time with her.