Thursday, April 29, 2010

approaching one

When I was pregnant with Ramona I thought I wanted to nurse her. I didn't have a reason why. I'm not a person who gets up on the soapbox of natural, nutritious,'s just not my thing. I also don't really go for all the scientific study stuff about the benefits. (I know...I know, you're right, I'm wrong.....)
I just felt in my heart that I wanted to do it. It was simply that I wanted to experience that aspect of mothering.

When I brought Ramona home from the hospital I somehow forgot how to do it. I roamed around my house trying to find the perfect spot, but I just couldn't do it. I was panicked because I knew she should eat and she needed to make a wet diaper. It was late that first night and I was a mess. Then Brian saved me. He stopped me, grabbed my hand and said, "Nova, look at your baby. (She was sleeping sweetly in my arms) Does she look hungry or sick? Does she look like there is something wrong?" Those words, "Nova, look at your baby" echo in my ears still. He was right. She was fine. I eventually found the special spot and I sat down and proceeded to nurse her for 3 months straight.

My heart is grieving a little bit, because this special aspect of my relationship with my daughter is coming to an end. I keep telling myself that she will always be my baby. That I will find new ways to comfort her. I'm still a little sad to see the time pass.

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