Not Ramona (although she does spend every waking moment trying to walk, I wish we could make her wear a crash helmet). No,I mean me.
This morning, during my shower, I decided to finish writing my research paper.
It suddenly felt like something I could be brave enough to do. I have some serious guilt for abandoning it. I feel like I let my professor down. I know, stupid, it's my life. If she thinks I'm a loser, whatever. This feeling of guilt has actually made it harder to pick this thing back up.
So, baby steps, first I had to return to the scene of the crime: My university e-mail. I had to find the e-mail that contained the edits from my last draft and save it to my computer. I know, big damn deal, huh? It was. It had me scared silly. What if my account is expired? What if my professor has been sending me "Nova, what the hell is your problem?" e-mails? What if she really hated my paper last time she read it?
Well, I did it. Paper saved. The only way I was able to do it was by promising myself that I wouldn't read any new e-mails. After that, I re-read my paper and I read what she thought of it. It isn't good, folks.
Now, I will begin editing my work, one horrible page at a time. I haven't decided when to bring my professor in on the fact that I'm actually working on it again. I don't want her to get her hopes up or anything.....
Showing posts with label Almost Masters Degree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Almost Masters Degree. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
confession
I don't have a Masters degree. I have an almost Masters degree.
I had a personal renaissance when I began graduate school that I look back on fondly, but the culmination of the program was writing a thesis. I love writing, but I don't love writing this thesis. This probably means I picked the wrong topic, but there is nothing I can do about this now. It's something like, Teaching Information Literacy to Young Children Using Research Based Early Childhood Principals. I have written one chapter and collected the research. I have two more chapters to write. I don't actually believe that I will EVER do this. I turned in the chapter a few weeks before Ramona was born and the plan was to not think about it again until I went back to work in the fall. Here it is October and I dread looking at my university e-mail. I dread turning my attention back to this darn paper.
My attention is directed at my family and my work. I am already a librarian and I don't believe that writing this paper will make me better at my work. Finishing up my Masters will give me a hardly noticeable pay raise. As a working mom I have very little time at home with my baby. When I get home, everything stops and I play with her, feed her, care for her, love her. When she goes to bed I spend time resting and being with my husband. I don't want to write this paper.
I feel overwhelmed by the stupidity of getting this close to getting a Masters degree and then wimping out. It is insane to spend all that money and get that close and not finish the degree. It would be one thing if I was half finished. But I'm not, I'm about 20 pages (and some long edits) away from being done.
Just write the paper, you say??? Oh really, so simple. Why didn't I think of that??
It is so simple. So very simple. Write the paper....write the paper....write the paper.
This is the last time I will speak of this until I actually buckle down and get started with the writing. If you don't hear about it again, it's because I'm a massive loser.
I had a personal renaissance when I began graduate school that I look back on fondly, but the culmination of the program was writing a thesis. I love writing, but I don't love writing this thesis. This probably means I picked the wrong topic, but there is nothing I can do about this now. It's something like, Teaching Information Literacy to Young Children Using Research Based Early Childhood Principals. I have written one chapter and collected the research. I have two more chapters to write. I don't actually believe that I will EVER do this. I turned in the chapter a few weeks before Ramona was born and the plan was to not think about it again until I went back to work in the fall. Here it is October and I dread looking at my university e-mail. I dread turning my attention back to this darn paper.
My attention is directed at my family and my work. I am already a librarian and I don't believe that writing this paper will make me better at my work. Finishing up my Masters will give me a hardly noticeable pay raise. As a working mom I have very little time at home with my baby. When I get home, everything stops and I play with her, feed her, care for her, love her. When she goes to bed I spend time resting and being with my husband. I don't want to write this paper.
I feel overwhelmed by the stupidity of getting this close to getting a Masters degree and then wimping out. It is insane to spend all that money and get that close and not finish the degree. It would be one thing if I was half finished. But I'm not, I'm about 20 pages (and some long edits) away from being done.
Just write the paper, you say??? Oh really, so simple. Why didn't I think of that??
It is so simple. So very simple. Write the paper....write the paper....write the paper.
This is the last time I will speak of this until I actually buckle down and get started with the writing. If you don't hear about it again, it's because I'm a massive loser.
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