Awhile back, we listened to a guided meditation recorded by Alan Wallace. (I have a funny story about this! On the way home from class I told my mom I had trouble following because his accent was hard for me to understand. My mom says sarcastically, "yeah, that California accent can be tricky.")
Anyway, despite his difficult "foreign" accent, he did say something that has been kind of holding my hand lately. This isn't an exact quote, but it feels like he said:
You may find that you have to start over. In your practice you start over again and again. It's ok.
I have had to start again with my meditation practice. And I've also had to start again with Ramona.
Since the little tantrum I had about a month ago, things changed; things got easier. I started over. A friend said, Toddlers are destructive. Keep your routines consistent and expectations clear. But mostly just ignore that stuff. They move onto something else anyway.
This is very gentle advice. Advice with love as the only motivation. Nova, start over.
When I return to my practice, I see that it has been waiting for me. Waiting for me to start over again.